Selective Amnesia

What I wish I could forget was the hurt in her face when I exploded over nothing.

I wish I could forget the hatred in his voice every time he talked to me.

I wish I could forget the emptiness I felt after leaving his presence after he’d bash me for hours.

I wish I could forget the countless tears that she shed because of thoughtless words he spoke.

I wish I could forget the dagger sentence someone said to me once that completely rewired how I felt about myself, leading me down a dark path of insecurity.

What I wish I could forget was the condescending looks I always received when I walked into their home.

I wish I could forget that promises were made, words were spoken, but the opposite is always executed.

What I wish I could forget was his smile, the way his very presence saturated me. I blindly transformed into a pliable person that fell for his trap, whereby leaving me to deal with his mishandling of my heart on every level.

I wish I could forget the numerous times I felt unworthy enough for anything but the momentary use of someone, my self respect was a lost jewel.

I wish to forget the way my poisonous mind works in defeating me before I ever can get started achieving dreams that I have always had for myself.

I wish I could forget the ignorant words that was said to me attacking the only thing that I had in my life. I felt as if I have nothing to offer, so my existence leaves nothing that counts for anyone.

What I wish I could forget was the times that I found evidence that I really wasn’t enough for someone. There’s always someone better.

I wish I could forget how a temporary fix seems more right than working things out with me.

I wish to forget the scrutiny that I have endured and continue to bare because I try and defend myself and the position of others.

I wish I could forget my days of being a referee.

I wish I could forget was making a choice to lower my standards because I didn’t feel I was worth doing better and that hurting didn’t matter.

I wish I could forget all the ‘If only..’ moments that I have, thinking that they would be the answer for my longings.

I wish that I could forget the looks of their hearts being inverted to their faces, they are mangled, and while others may not see what is really there, I do.

I wish I didn’t live in torment of days gone by and could hold my head up for tomorrow.

I wish that I could forget all the wrongs, but because it feels as though they will always be present, then, I wish for the good memories to overpower and help me to rise from the ashes of my life.